0

I Fucking Hate Summer

Posted by Lizzie on Wednesday, September 02, 2009
Steph's blog is up!


For some people, ok well most people, summer is all about the outdoors, sports and general recreation! Yeah cool! For you!
For other part albinos, like me, summer is literally hell. Heat waves, bikinis, and unfortunate sweat stains make it all but impossible for us to enjoy the summer! So here's what I do and what I'm telling my other summer-haters to do:
Step 1. Become a Vampire. I don't mean that literally, you twi-tards. What I mean is stay inside and sleep during the day. Unless you want to self-combust (or sparkle according to the literary genius of Stephanie Meyers) wait until the sun is setting to venture outside. That's when the summer heat is perfect, everything's cooling down and all the parties are about to start. Plus this means no weird tan lines or bubbling "The Fly"-like skin! Be warned, you do stick out at aforementioned parties more often than not since you basically become fluorescent in contrast with all the orange surrounding you.
Step 2. Get thee to an interneterry! I'm serious about this one (despite the Hamlet reference) because you can experience all the fun of summer virtually! Play "Lemonade Stand" online or watch viral videos of human walruses flopping around a Slip-n-Slide! Read about how many ways you can die from too much heat and rejoice in your reclusiveness! Better yet, Skype with your friends who are too far away to hang out! That way you have a semi-legit reason to hold off going out with your friends to that awesome outdoor concert at high noon, because you have some catching up to do with your buddy. (Really it's the a/c but they don't need to know that)
Step 3. Discover the joys of Comcast OnDemand. Listen. There is a reason you live in a city where almost all of your friends have OnDemand. It's because it's fucking sweet. All your favorite shows come on at night when you're out socializing but OnDemand is there for you making sure that while you hide in your 64 degree room to nurse your killer hangover you can get up to speed with some of the best summer shows, like "Rescue Me", "Psych", "Being Human" or my favorite, "Mad Men". This way you can stay up-to-date with your shows and have something to fill the void that is daytime.
So I guess what I'm trying to do here is say it's ok to hate the summer, it's ok to be a hermit crab because for some of us the summer just isn't our thing and honestly it's better if you don't try to drag us outside with you to, I don't know, live or something. People like me look, feel and act better in the fall where the weather is warm but because of the crisp, bitter wind it always feels like room temp. Autumn, where you can still wear summer dresses and get away with scarf accessories and not be considered a hipster!
(WARNING: TANGENT) Now, I know some of you summer-lovers are dreading September the way junkies dread detox but Steph Shamp is here to end this submission on a happy note. My happy note is this: Halloween. H-A-double L-O-W-double E-N spells Halloween bitches! This holiday, at least, should leave you appreciating the "great frosting" ("Thumbelina" reference, anyone?) as much as us summer haters do.

|

0 Comments

Post a Comment

Copyright © 2009 Premature Quarter-Life Crisis All rights reserved. Theme by Laptop Geek. | Bloggerized by FalconHive.