I recently came across an interesting article on wikipedia, The Ladder Theory. This theory tries to explain how women perceive men based on first impressions. I am not going to evaluate the Wiki article anymore because it has been broken down pretty well already. This theory does not apply to all women, but the guys reading this right now can relate. Enjoy the interesting read and leave your comments if you want. If you don't want to read it, I can sum it for you.

Women are Crazy!

March on my toy soldiers! See ya next time!

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There are next to no resources on the internet related to learning Khmer. WTF? The internet is supposed to have everything.

I guess I have to learn French instead.

It intrigues me more than it used to.

Always pursue the things that you're the worst at. They're more rewarding, I think.


Did you ever let your lover see
The stranger in yourself?

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I've known way too many people who have been abused in the past. And you'd think that, based on statistical chance, I'd have met my quota for the amount of people I know who have suffered some kind of domestic abuse. But the cases just keep coming, so at this point, who knows.

Because of this exposure, my initial reaction is that hitting is never ok in any circumstance and should a person ever hit you, the best plan of action is to terminate that relationship at all costs. But my actions contradict my beliefs.

The two most significant times I've been hit by someone else (which is absolutely nothing compared to a lot of people, so don't think that I'm playing pity party here by using these as examples. That's not my intention. They're merely a way to initiate gray area thinking and serve as reference points for my conclusion):
- My mom smacked me pretty hard in the face when we were fighting about something when I was around 15 or so. My face wasn't visibly damaged aside from redness. And she said she'd never do it again. My mom's not that great of a person, but she held true to her promise.
- My friend, who was nasty fucked up on drugs at the time, slammed me against a chair and bruised my back enough that I had to fake sick and miss four days of school. We were talking about his drug problem. I was 16, he was 17. He felt horrible and never did it again. I survived, he left a few months later for other reasons. His dad was not a good guy and his mom was killed by a drunk driver a year or two earlier. So he had a history of being abused and his mom was dead. And that's why he did drugs. And nobody really cared enough to help him not do drugs. And the few of us who did were powerless to do anything.

In short, I forgave both of them.

Sometimes situations arise that fall into gray areas and I don't know what's ok and what's not ok.


So, here is the question that I presented to a group of people with diverse backgrounds and life perspectives, the common factor being that I greatly respect each of their opinions. Some have been abused, some probably don't even explicitly know of anyone that's been abused. But most have probably been hit by a person at one time or another. I imagine that we've all been hit by a person at one time or another.

Q:

Do you think it's possible for a person to hit a spouse/significant other/son/daughter and not really mean it and never do it again?

A:

"No. No one should be hitting anyone. Ever. Maybe a spank for a child but that's it."

"No way. It would definitely happen again. It would be in the person's nature."

"Yes, if they are remoreseful enough."

"My dad never went all the way to beat the shit out of my mom or anything but every time he hit her, he always said he'd never do it again. So, no."

"Once isn't really a telling precedent for possible future hits. But twice is."

"Most often when someone hits another person they mean it at some level. People hit others out of anger or frustration, it is typically a physical expression of an intensely emotional response. They may not "mean" to do it in that is was spontaneous rather than premeditated. Like many other responses, hitting is often a learned response (from a behavioral perspective) in that there is usually a negative reinforcement paradigm attached (e.g. I hit you, you get out of my face, and my frustration temporarily goes away). Sometimes, there can also be a positive reinforcement paradigm attached as well (e.g. bullying you increases my sense of power).

On the other hand, people can learn more constructive, less violent, responses to frustration and anger. A good beginning is to learn behavior replacement strategies where a person learns to respond to anger and frustration by replacing hitting with behaviors that are non-violent and "incompatible" with hitting (e.g. you can't hit and walk away at the same time).

In addition, this behavior replacement strategy can be aided by cognitive reframing, where a person learns to "rethink" the cause of their anger and frustration, and thus reduces the emotional intensity of their emotional response, which in turn acts as a mediating variable that enhances the probability that the replacement behavior will be chosen rather than the "hitting" behavior.

Cognitive reframing may provide a neurological advantage as well. The initial sympathetic nervous system response to frustration and anger is quick but less intense that the "full" emotional response that occurs with the hormone release (e.g. adrenaline) that supports the intensity of the "fight or flight" response. There is a brief delay between the sympathetic and hormonal responses. Cognitive reframing (e.g. the type used in Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT)) may assist in reducing (or perhaps even eliminating) the hormonal support of the emotional response which in turn reduces the prolonged (and sometimes increased) intensity of the behavioral reaction."

(My dad's a school psych professor. Always so scientific. You can imagine why I felt like I had to go it alone when it came to figuring things out as as kid. As informative as that was, it's almost 100% useless to me in my quest. But I proceeded to ask more questions to try and get an answer that fit my needs. The following conversation is the continuation.)

Liz: So, I don't get what that means in terms of whether they're likely to hit a person again. Without the whole cognitive reframing business. Like if they just did it as a quick response to something that wasn't really entirely emotion and it's not something they're prone to doing. Is it likely that they'd start hitting the person regularly?
Dad: If it was an uncharacteristic hitting response, it is less likely that it will occur again. In this situation the "habit strength" of the response is weak and as such it is more likely that the person will not hit in a similar situation. However, I would be curious to know what the elements were in the situation that led to hitting, and to help that person understand what led to this uncharacteristic response. This would help make sure that person can recognize a situation where they might be vulnerable to hitting, and take steps to avoid the potential to hit.
Liz: Well, I'm not sure what the exact details were, but is it possible for a situation to exist when someone hits you and and you don't cut them out of your life? Like is hitting always that big of a deal? I mean, it's a pretty big deal even if it was only one hit, but is it possible for the person to actually not hit again if they say they won't? Or should you always distrust them because they said they didn't think they'd ever hit someone in the first place but they ended up hitting you anyway? I mean, Mom definitely smacked me hard in the face once and we still associate with one another. Like I'm still her kid and she's still my mom and for the most part, I forget about it to the point that it's a non-issue. So maybe that's an example of when hitting isn't bad, but I'm not sure if there are others or where you draw the line. So I pretty much have no idea what to say to anyone that this happens to.
Dad: A single hit is generally not the end of the world; is often impulsive; and doesn't mean a relationship has to end. In my clinic days I worked with women and children who were physically abused. Abuse is a serious thing, however, a hit is not abuse. The problem arises when the hits occur frequently and with serious violence.



An emotional response is more black and white because it's that person reacting inappropriately for the purpose of expressing what they're feeling. And since this is how they've chosen to express emotion, it's more likely that they'll use this method to express emotion in the future. What I'm trying to say is that it's less likely to be a one-time deal because they're not entirely removed from the decision-making in choosing to hit someone.

But my personal history of being hit involves two cases which were emotional responses, and I forgave both of the people involved with no long-term psychological damage and no future physical damage.

So, if it's possible to forgive a person's emotional response and suffer no future consequences, then in an entirely non-emotional response situation, is one hit ok to ignore?

I wish I had a better answer for anyone who's ever been hit by someone else. But I have nothing. Only more questions. More hypotheticals. The gray area exists ceaselessly.

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Ladies and Gentlemen, I'm back! Enter stage right.

This has been on my mind for roughly a week. At what point does College, the greatest time of you life [citation needed], become dull and drag? Well folks, I can tell you the answer to that question, it's when you go out and look at nice things you can't afford without a 75k+ job.

I'm going to be flying solo before the start of the fall semester and have been recently looking for places to live. The first place I looked at was a $1350 2br/2baths Industrial Loft. Not everyone is into these converted warehouse spaces, but I fell in love with this place. I cannot accurately describe it in words, you would have had to witness it first hand, but it was ME! Almost as soon as I left, I knew that there would be no way I could afford it and this got me thinking about my life...again.

Just wanting one thing, made me want to leave College right that moment and begin my life as a career man. Putting my hours in between 9-5 and coming home hating my boss. I want that! I want to be able to afford nice things and make them all mine.

College has its moments and it has been a fun ride, but I'm ready to get off Conductor. Let me loose to find my own way in the world. Through stumbles and struggles, I know my Industrial Loft and 5 speed Boat are out there waiting for me! Kidding about the boat part, who the hell wants a boat?!

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This morning I was looking into purchasing dinosaur sheets for my bed.

And then I went to look at a loft apartment with Ryan and I felt the desires to have a real job and be married to someone in 3 to 7 years explode inside of me.

I'm turning 22 in a month and two weeks or something like that.

This is the first birthday I'm actually really really ok with since I turned 17. The nostalgia of leaving 20, 19, 18, and 17 was especially traumatic. But I actually can't wait to be 22. I have no regrets about leaving 21. Not that it was bad, because I loved it. It's just that I'm ok with being 22. 22 is a nice number.

But when I turn 23, I know I'll just die. For no rational reason. I just don't want to be 23.

Conor knows: "So, I go back and forth forever. All my thoughts, they come in pairs."

Dinosaurs and settling down... How can I have both?

Why do I even want the settling down part? And so soon? THAT'S NOT EVEN ME.

Sometimes I hate this age.

Also, I wish I could talk about all the things of substance that actually matter in this blog. I'm exploding with actual real problems too. Mostly just caring about the real problems of other people. Why does it seem like everyone's going through complete shit right now? I love you guys.

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Ardent curiosity and uncontrollable fondness for life experience are two of my defining characteristics. As such, I'm obsessed with a lot of things. There exists an infinitely long list of things I just can't get enough of. Sometimes it wears me out because there's not enough time to pursue everything, do everything, learn everything, etc. The only solution is immortality and that's actually kind of unappealing in my opinion. So the best I can do is indulge in little bits of surface preoccupation, try to keep my thoughts calm and my head from spinning, and subsequently pick up an eclectic mess of interests.

As some kind of twisted life validation, I would like to self-indulgently share my obsessions with anyone who happens upon this blog from time to time. Because absolutely NOTHING is more self-indulgent than a blog and thus it's the perfect outlet for said endeavor.

First up, Machu Picchu.

It nicely unites both my obsession with South America and my obsession with non-fiction. (It's in Peru and I got a book out of the library about it once)

Machu Picchu has it all. Prime real estate with an old skool flair. Established in the 1400s, it has Amazon rain forest proximity and sits on the eastern side of the Andes. Have you ever been to the Andes? MINDBLOWING. Really, I almost cry every time I think about them. (See also, http://sundrenchedelsewhere.blogspot.com/2008/06/death-in-andes.html) The Incas freakin knew what they were doing.

Oh, yeah. And holy isolation. I imagine if it wasn't swarming with tourists all the time, being there would make you feel like you were absolutely alone in the world. It's in a naturally ideal defensive location. Like crazy ideal. When you're on the top of a mountain, surrounded by treacherous Andes terrain, with two steep valleys on either side and a water source that's really really hard to cut off, consider yourself safe from almost all threats. And I'm telling you, the Incas are tricky and had their shit together. Not only were the terraces designed for growing food, but they make the slopes even MORE impassable to menaces of all kinds! I hope some day I can be a global dictator and make Machu Picchu my primary living venue for 6 months out of the year, a.k.a. my personal residence of natural peace. No one else can come. Well, it kind of belongs to the Peruvians so they can do what they want with it. I'll just chill out there and go about my business as unnoticed as possible. Just Peruvians and myself living in blissful tranquility. In the freakin sunshine. This is what I mean:


Click the picture to see it in a bigger size or Google "Machu Picchu panorama" for a worthwhile experience. You might die on the inside... in a good way. Look at the mountains in the background then look at Machu Picchu (the small bit on the rightish side of the photo), then be overwhelmed with the comprehension of how big and incredible those mountains are. You can't describe that in words.

I need to make a brief aside here and point out that the other half of the year I will be sharing Machu Picchu with the rest of the world. So obsessors like me can get their fix. You gotta give back to the community.

Ok, back to the content. I don't even know what to say about the stone structures that the Incas built there. Other than the fact that pictures of them make me stop breathing because they're so aesthetically alluring. Oh, speaking of breathing. Downside: altitude. If I live there, I might get the dizzies.

And if you haven't been convinced of its appeal yet, go read the theories about what purpose it actually served. It is likely too long of a discussion to get into here, but if you're interested, run to Wikipedia or some expert resource and investigate. The mystery of it is half the intrigue.


Long story short, Machu Picchu is quality. You know it's serious business when it's on the new official list of Seven Wonders of the World. (That means it's pretty wonderful)

Photo Sources:http://www.cry.org.uk/img/main/Machu_Picchu_Panorama.jpg, http://photoblog.pixinn.net/index.php?showimage=31

Speaking of the Incas and Cuzco (I think I forgot to mention that Machu Picchu is close to Cuzco), I'm also conveniently obsessed with The Emperor's New Groove. It may disguise itself as a stupid kid movie lacking in any reasonable value. Oh, no... no, no. It's so much more. You need to Netflix that shit ASAP.

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People of the world, our guest blogger for April is Dan. Enjoy!


A lot of people say that “what goes around comes around”—that there is balance in this universe. I like to think that there’s some truth to this mentality. I’m not saying that turning the other cheek when somebody punches you in the face is always in your best interests [they might punch that one, too], but that there’s certainly something to be said for not “burning your bridges.” I would like to reflect upon this phenomenon in the material sense [Karma meets Capitalism. Put that in your pipe and smoke it, Buddha].

Everyone can remember things of theirs which have been lost or stolen, of high or low (sentimental) value, but before you cry about it think of all the sweet things that you’ve found or been given! So you’ve just lost a few million in a Ponzi [Pansie] scheme, depending upon your current relation to the retribution/reward policy of the cosmos…tomorrow UPS could be delivering you a freakin’ talking unicorn that lays golden eggs, packaged in a crate made out of cheesecake [Wikipedia cheese polymers and matrices]. So how do we know where we stand in this cost/compensation equilibrium? Something you might want to know when crossing the street or picking out a hooker.
Don’t worry, I’ve devised a system:

Accessories and articles of clothing: ± 2

Food/drink: ± 1

Vehicles: ± 7

Money: ± 1 (.20 * $ amount)

Furniture, fixtures, equipment: ± 3

Miscellaneous: ± 1

Irreplaceable items: ± 5


Now let’s put it to the test…with my life. For simplicity, I’ll list anything applicable in the order of the above categories.

Accessories and articles of clothing
-2 = +2 -2 -2 Umbrellas
+2 = Green, Fidel Castro-esque hat
+2 = Black, Fender zipper hoodie (a zippie, a zoodie?)
+2 = White headband
-2 = SpongeBob t-shirt
-8 = -2(4) Luggage at Geauga Lake
+10 = +2(5) underestimate of the freebies you can get in Oakland
+4

•Umbrellas pass like they’re batons in a relay race.
•Found the hat in Eddie’s, before it was consumed by the monster that is Market Central.
•I got out of my car. I came back to my car. There was a white headband on the passenger seat???
•Krista Novak stole my shirt.
•A thief stole my swimsuit at Geauga Lake when I was 8. He/she should have spit in my ice cream while he was at it.
•They might as well be shooting t-shirts out of cannons.

Food/drink
-9 = -1(9) people not having money when going out to dinner/use of meals to repay personal debt.
-9 = +1(3) -1 (12) bottles of liquor given to me versus bottles I have given
+30 = +1 (30) gross underestimate of the freebies you can get in Oakland
+12

• “Oh thank you so much for helping me move out—I owe you dinner!”
•OK, so I’ve boozed a lot of people out, BUT somebody recently stole me a bottle of Bombay Sapphire and somebody else gave me a bottle of Absinthe!
•You don’t have to be an active participant in anything to receive cookies, pop, or pizza.

Vehicles
-7 = my orange bike
0 = -7 + 7 Buick Roadmaster
-7

•Somebody stole my bike off my front porch when I was 10. Little did I know much I’d miss that thing when in college.
•My dad needed the car one day while I was swimming at the local pool. So without telling me, he walked there and drove off with it, leaving me with nothing but a towel and sandals.

Money
-4.87 = -1(.20 *$24.37) my last paycheck at Café Sam, because I never wanted to walk in there again
0 = -1(.20 * $268) +1(.20 * $268) my wallet
+4 = +1(.20 * $20)
-0.87

•I proceeded to work there the following summer.
•My dad thought it’d be funny to break into my car while playing basketball and steal my wallet.
•…and then I found twenty dollars.

Furniture, fixtures, equipment
+12=+3(4) # of rooms I’ve been able to furnish from old people dying
+3 = shower rack that I took from my last apartment which was already there when I arrived
-3 = Lobos Mgmt. disposing the grill on our back porch.
+12

•They’ve gone to a better place (my apartment).
•After it was condemned, I actually went into the empty building to grab it. Then I compared it with other apartment’s racks and took the best one.
•Lobos management stole our grill because it was chained to the wrong side of our porch.

Miscellaneous
-1 = original Charizard Pokémon card, the one that did 100dmg
-1 = a basketball
-2

•Stolen from my locker in the 5th grade. Enjoy it, you little bastard.
•Writing your name on it doesn’t always work.

Irreplaceable items
-5 = my Diablo II account
+10 = -5 +5 +5 virginity
+5

•For real? Just for a Stone ring of Jordan? Some people have no common decency.
•You’ve only got one, but you can take as many as you please.


OK, so let’s tally up the scores. +4 +12 -7 -0.87 +12 -2 +5 = +23.13
Uh oh, I might be in trouble. Either I have a tendency to dwell on the positive aspects of my life, or my day of reckoning is soon to come. Whatever the case, you can bet that I’ll be living it up in the face of danger, jaywalking, and choosing Candy over Sandy.

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