Godspeed All The Bakers At Dawn

Posted by Lizzie on Sunday, February 22, 2009
Housekeeping: Des is our first guest contributor. Be on the lookout for that next Saturday. :)

So I'm in Hillman waiting for stuff to print out and I have a few extra hours to kill (because it takes that long to get your print outs in this godforsaken library), and so here's a short commentary on a subject that has a lot to do with our premature quarter-life crises.

It's about knowing who you are and sticking to that.

I think we can all agree that we're still working out our identity issues and that we're going to get another round of identity issues when we actually do hit our real quarter-life crisis. However, I think we can also agree that we're experiencing less identity conflict than we did, say, 4-7 years ago. We've already lived, and learned, and made mistakes... to an extent. And through all of that, we've gathered more information about who we are and what we want and what we have a tendency to do and feel. It's not a complete shot in the dark anymore.

Don't just throw that all away. If you're prone to ignoring that just because you don't think you entirely have it all together, things are going to get messier than they already feel. It's ok (and even encouraged) to push yourself beyond the limits of who you think you are. However, there's a difference between healthy experimentation and reckless abandon.

Having just emerged from 5 months of reckless abandon, I can honestly say that if you pretend to be something you're not just because you want to be something else, you're going to be more unhappy in the end.

In short, you know what's right for you. Or at least you have a more accurate (even if slightly flawed) idea of who you are and what's right for you than other people do.

Listen to yourself first and stay away from overrationalizing. Stick to what you feel. If something doesn't feel right, don't try and explain away why it doesn't feel right. Either wait until it does feel right or try something that already feels right.

This isn't to say that you shouldn't make yourself uncomfortable. You should make yourself uncomfortable. It's how you grow. But at the same time, don't just ditch everything you've ever learned for the purposes of learning something else. There's a healthy balance. Work to acheive that healthy balance.

And consider the opinions of the people you've known the longest and who you trust the most. Because they probably know you the best and can help you determine what qualifies as healthy experimentation and what qualifies as reckless abandon.

In sum:
First, listen to yourself.
Second, bounce some ideas off the people who are likely to know you the best.
Third, don't be tempted to believe the opinions of people you don't really know that well when it comes to what's best for you.

The third one was kind of implied from the first and second.

And don't give in to the pressure of the situation. Take your time. If you feel that the situation is time-sensitive and you don't have enough space to figure things out, then don't follow through with whatever it is you think you want and/or have to do. That's a situation where it's guaranteed to be wrong (Can I get a "WHAT THE FUCK AM I DOING IN COLLEGE?" amen?).

It's really crucial to try and avoid being an idiot. Because not only do you hurt yourself, but you hurt other people too. Do as little damage as possible. The worst feeling in the world is wanting to say you're sorry when the other person doesn't want to listen.

AND MOST IMPORTANTLY, don't be discouraged when you fuck this up. We all fuck up. A lot. I like to think that it's just because we're young and inexperienced. But perhaps it's just because we're people. And we're not going to fuck up any less as we get older. We're just going to fuck up in different ways.

Love each other. Help each other. We all need someone to hang on to at some point. Make sure that people know they can count on you to be there when the mistakes have been made. And make sure that you have people to count on when your mistakes have been made, also.

And speaking of balances, I think my next blog is going to be on finding a happy balance between school and life. But really, I'm definitely no expert so that might be a bad idea.



please write a book on being a human being

ugh, having an inherent need to go deep with people exposes you to pretty much everything that can go wrong... bc you learn about their pain too... then you start to gather it all up and try to figure out how things can go right...

see? i already learned something... fact: i have an inherent NEED to go deep with people... and i'll never ignore that need again

being in a relationship with someone who couldn't fulfill that was bad news

this is a good example of knowing yourself and sticking to it

I really do feel like I am learning just as much if not more about relationships by watching them as I would by actually being in one

right now I am living with people who won't go deep with me and it's driving me insane

they won't because they refuse to accept who they are

as much as I love them I think they're bad personal development influences

i love you for being open and honest and truthful and needing to go deep with people too... this is why you're one of my most important people ever

i think your developing just fine personally

that was a fun sentence

because it means two things

1) that your personal development is progressing quite nicely
2) that personally, i think that your development is fine

personally has two meanings

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